So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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