Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
