Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
