I puked a lego.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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