I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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