fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
smell my finger.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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