I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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