Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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