I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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