Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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