He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
