Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
