I can tuck mytits in my pants
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
