Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
