Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
