your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
