I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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