your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
