There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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