Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
