So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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