Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
