end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
