So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
