Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
