i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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