Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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