you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
