would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Your cock deserves a montage
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
