Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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