I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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