I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
