the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
