I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
