they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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