Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
