Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm both gender and math confused
My breath smells like gin and sadness
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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