how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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