He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
