I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
