Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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