how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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