If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
