i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
