We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
sarcasm needs its own font
porn star boner night. come get it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
