these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
