So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
