I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
