This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
