Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
