My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
