Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
