...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
