forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
