Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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