You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
His nipple licking is glorious
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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