I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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