i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
FUCK WHALES
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
