Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You have to summon your inner elephant
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
