Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
