U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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